Pre-season has wrapped up and rosters have been trimmed as we roll into the 2006 season of rock and roll. For the 10th consecutive year Rock Lobster sits atop the Coaches Poll at number one, while Tempe's own Drunk Prom Date is ranked 13th (though a sorry 112th in the New Times Press Poll). The DPD team is coming off a disappointing 6 and 5 record last year, with all losses occurring in home shows against The Chadwicks, a formidable four piece squad that seems to have every outing practically on replay.

Drunk Prom Date is saddled with an unenviable schedule this year in which they face the aforementioned Chadwicks, the just-like-the-record juggernauts Metalhead, number 6th or 8th ranked 68 Guns, and powerhouse 4 Turns Left. But DPD is confident that even with a lackluster performance they will once again secure a bid to the P.F. Chang's Rock 'N' Roll Marathon Bowl.

Drunk Prom Date Varsity Coach Hermand Ludengardstein is quoted as saying, "After laying by the pool, and chasing the muff around all summer these guys have gotten soft on me. They're in need of a serious attitude adjustment!"

Early scouting reports indicate:

Quarterback Slurred Speech looks tight in his dress this year; the added weight'll make him one tough act to tackle.

Outside lineman Cleetus Snow has had a very fertile off-season getting one past the goalie and promises to repeat as the reliable anchor on the right side of the stage.

Offensive left guard, Wes Slayer, remains just as offensive as he was last year, but now packs an extra humbucker to his repertoire. Look out, this boy can rock.

New transfer Kryss Haryss, from Cartwheels Community College, is still struggling through the complicated DPD cover playbook which features the rock-and-shoot Faster Pussycat style. He might only be used on more powerful assaults like Journey, Eagles and Black Sabbath tunes.

Of course, the key in third set situations is again going to rely on the rock-steady performance of their star half-kit Percussionist, Dead Beat. DPD's six wins last season would have been diminished to two or three had Deadbeat not kept them in rhythm during what otherwise would have been disastrous final periods.

And of course let us not forget the cantankerous flanker Unprovoked Anger. As always his six-string swagger and backup vocal responsibilities are enormous but have his off-season legal run-ins, and Scotch Tape scandal destroyed the morale of the team? The biggest concern this year is whether or not his performance will rate as brilliant, as it did in his unforgettable rantings in the last game of the season against Steppchild State, or will it fall flat, leaving crowd jaws agape, as in the debacle against the Steven's Point Ashbrooks.

The season opens Saturday night against their cross-the-street rivals Yucca A&M at the "Madhouse on Mill," Monkey Pants Memorial Coliseum.

Kickoff's at 10 p.m. Tailgating starts at 2 p.m. Bring your sweaters; this one is going down in the history books.

Lets recap

Drunk Prom Date's Season Opener

Saturday, September 16 @ 10 p.m.

Monkey Pants on the NE corner of Mill & Southern

Get your Game on!

Drunk Prom Date