Recently Drunk Prom Date thought it reached the glass ceiling with the weight of its golden parachute choking the band to death, but then we realized it was just vomit. Last week, after receiving an overall "Poor" rating on our yearly performance review from DPD assistant manager Bucky McFlipstein, DPD has vowed to remain objective and focus on some areas that need improvement:

Ability - "Unsatisfactory" Drunk Prom Date's ability to play any song, other than something off the first Faster Pussycat album, is below company standards. Recommendation: Learn to play your instruments or seek another profession. The world needs ditch diggers, too.

Adherence to Policy - "Unsatisfactory" Drunk Prom Date's guitarist Unprovoked Anger's persistent habit of leaning against his amplification module during performances to drink singer Slurred Speech's whiskey and water does not adhere to company policy. And drummer Dead Beat's striped tube socks are often just inches about the ankles, a clear violation of the over-the-calf dress code. Recommendation: Create some sort of intravenous device to soothe Mr. Anger's constant need for the drink. Purchase sock garters for the percussionist.

Hygiene - "Unsatisfactory" If taking off shirts during love ballads is standard practice, a quick trim is in order. Recommendation: Wes Slayer should weed-whack overly hirsute guitarist Cleetus Snow before each show and occasionally during witty banter.

Etiquette - "Unsatisfactory" Proper grammar and politeness is rarely displayed, especially during Steppchild songs. Recommendation: Change "Rock n Roll Ain't Noise Pollution" to "Rock and Roll is not Noise Pollution, Thank You Very Much" and "Take This Job and Shove It" to "Please Accept My Resignation on this Date, I Have Chosen to Pursue Other Interests."

Initiative - "Unsatisfactory" Playing the same venue, Monkey Pants Bar & Grill, over and over and over shows lack of effort and a go get 'em attitude. Recommendation: Take the advice of the Zen Lunatics and play the Yucca Tap Room.

So with that kick in our ass and a $.25 per hour raise in our paycheck, Drunk Prom Date would like to see all of you in our office this Saturday, Feb. 18 at Monkey Pants Bar and Grill on the Northeast Corner of Mill and Southern for a corporate night of DPD tunes and Powerpoint presentations. Be there 9p sharp because that's when DPD clocks in and they can only play for an hour or they will go into overtime, which is not allowed without management approval.

Let's Recap

Drunk Prom Date
Saturday Feb 18 @ 9p
Monkey Pants on NE corner of Mill & Southern

Thank you for listening, you look very pretty,
Drunk Prom Date